Me Once Again

What You Can't Have

History of relationships show that for some reason people want what they cant have. What is is about a person that shows no interest in you? The little bit of attaction they show you, you hold on it tight for dear life in hopes that the image in your head of yall being together will come true, one day. But in this one situation I'm not on that end. The situation is actually more twisted. This guy wants me so bad but I'm not sure how bad i want him. He offers his all to me, tells me he'll give me the world but i still dont have a desire to be with him anytime soon. I'm not sure if thats bad on my part or not. But all i know is, its very frustrating! I mean seriously he's a good guy and all, very nice but he lost that "thrill" that essence of me wanting something i cant get is so far gone. When a good man or women wants you, and is willing to give his/her all to you, and when your not ready to give your all to him/her. You dont want him/her. But you waste your time chasing the person that you know you cant get. The person that gives you that little bit of hope and security that you miss out on a good thing. So what to do???

Single Filed

April 13, 2007 was the day i broke up with my last boyfriend. He wasnt a bad boyfriend he just wasnt necessarily "there" for me. We would see eachtoher all the time, becuase we used to work together but we didnt have time outside of working to actually talk to eachother. And that upsetted me some for a while but than i tried to just "suck it up". But obviously i couldnt take it long enough cause i broke up with him 2 months after we go together. In 2007 April 13th was friday the 13th. No, i didnt plan this, for some reason that just happens in my life. Werid uh?. But anyway, i walked into work knowing that he would be there and i ignored him the entire time. I talked to other workers but just not him. Okay yes i will admit that this was abit childish, but i felt that was the reason why i was breaking up with him so i ended our relationship with what was wrong. It sounded smart at the time. But he didnt take this very well. He was very upset. That night everyone noticed that i wasnt talking to him and i told them why, knowing they would go and tell him. I didnt care. Yes, im a cold hearted bitch when it comes to breaks up. Especially when the guy broke my heart. He was washing dishes and he was slamming things around and everything. My co-workers were laughing because he was so mad telling me, "wow girl what did you do to that boy?"..i never said anything. Because i never did anything to hurt him but do what he was doing to me all this time. He was my last boyfriend. After breaking up with him i had realized that its time to grow up and to be on a higher level of a mind set. So, here i am today sitting talking to you guys about being single. I never been single for this long ever in my life. Even in my younger years when i was going through that awkward phase, i kept a boyfriend. But now it sucks some days but when i look at other people and when they are stressing over eachother, i feel good to be single. The love is what i really miss. I've changed a lot of things about myself since i graduated and im happy for the person i am today. Im single and loving it for right now but i am keeping my eye open for a good guy that can hang around for the ride. Right now, in my life i am very busy. I have about another 10 years of schooling to do and i have to start my fashion designing which i know can take a while before i become real big. But i need a strong man, but till then i'll be Single Filed!

April 12, 2009

Yea so today was Easter, and on my mind was a lot of things but Easter. I worry. I worry a lot about what my next move will be. And also who will it be with. Im a student at Shawnee State but im not sure for how long. Money issuses once again. So I strated to fast for a miracle. I need a financial miracle. No pork, no fish, no beef, just chicken. And after I accomplish that task than I will stop eating chicken too. I stress so hard about my life and how i will reach my gaols. It's hard being a young woman in this world. Keeping my grades up and trying to take care of my family in the long run by staying in school is hard. No im not complainning i love to be in school, i just hate to wait. I'll admit i wish i could speed up the process of my goals and hurry and pay off my families debt and my own from school and live an "happier" life. But we all know that money dont make people happy. Only people make people happy. Well thats what i believe. I have dreams of becoming a fashion designer. I would love to be completely independent in that field. Meaning i dont want to depend on others to do their job right and when it should be. I want to have the ability and smarts to do them myself, including hair, make-up, photography and above. I want my creations to be done the way i want them to be interpreted with or without the help of others. I would just have to find workers that believe the same thing. I love what I'm doing right now, which is studying Pscyhology. Yes, i want to do them both. Pscyh will give me the ability to read my clients better and know how to advertise things and to get my points across the right way the first time. I want to do something I've always wanted to do, plus something that I'm good at. Either way it goes, i'll be happy. Sinlge or not...im too strong of a woman to fail.